she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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