Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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