Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Someone signed my nipple.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
