god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
