That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
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the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
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Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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