Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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