If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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