You can't special order awesome
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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