i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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