i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
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I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
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I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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