Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
