I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
false alarm. still invincible.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
