It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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