she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You made out with two different species that night
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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