I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
