I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
