i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
