I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I got inside last night via doggy door
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
