I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Enjoy the penises
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
