and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Enjoy the penises
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
