there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
