my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
