So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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