That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
