I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
