Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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