You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
