i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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