i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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