bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I have feelings that need drinking.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
