that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
