Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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