i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
