just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
