Little spoons don't ask big questions
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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