It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
