Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
