Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
