I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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