she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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