I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
