I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
