first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize