What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
