You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
