You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
