just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
