wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
