His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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