I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
