I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
