somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I didn't notice because vodka
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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