The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
