Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
