his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
