If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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