Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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