Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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