Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
