Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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