I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
is it fun? or sober?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
