Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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