Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
