What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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