I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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