Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
