You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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