we're blogging at a bar
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
