Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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